Weee! So this is the video I directed for SEBASTIEN GRAINGER (click on that link to see Sebastien's pubic hair, no joke) in the summer. I'll put a best quality crab version up on my videos page at some point.
MIKE LEBLANC did the beautiful camerawork on the video, JEREMY BAILEY art directed, and the girls were amazing. You should have heard them screaming on set. It was unreal. Sebastien's wife EVA MICHON did the makeup. She's the best. And if you look closely you can see that the purple leopard face paint matches the shoes she's wearing.
Otherwise things are good. I'm writing a paper on Otto Preminger's film Laura at the moment, working on figuring out some music rights for a short I've written about a girl named Ariel who stalks her lifeguard while singing Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid, getting ready to shoot another short film over the break, finishing my treatment for a feature film about a body-switching homo, and getting ready to launch the screening series that CHARLOTTE and I are starting at Columbia. The series will be of queer film and video artists. The first event is a co-sponsorship with the MA Film Program bringing queer theorist Tom Waugh to screen and speak about the film Montreal Main. The next event is a screening of Matt Wolf's Arthur Russell documentary, Wild Combination. Matt is going to come speak about the film as well.
I'll post more info about those as they happen. They are Columbia events but outsiders can attend.
Okay gotta run! Class on a Sunday yuck! But yay!
Labels: FILM, I MADE THIS. ME. GRAYDON., MUSIC, REALLY FUCKING GAY, YOUTUBE
I finally saw Fassbinder's final film, Querelle, today. I watched it after class in the media library at school. Maybe not the most appropriate place to watch a murderous sailor gay porno. However, I think I got the eye from the fellow sitting across from me. So apropos getting cruised while watching such a cruisey movie.
I'm interested in the film's philosophy - is Querelle such a despicable character/emotional sociopath because faggots had to be monsters back in 1966 (when the book was written)? Or is it a self-loathing thing? Or is his behaviour not meant to be connected to his sex? His desires seem to change so rapidly and whimsically in contrast to Seblon's devotion. Obviously Seblon is a good gay, so they existed, just not in leading roles.
I am gonna go look up some reviews of the film to find out more...
Labels: ART, FILM, REALLY FUCKING GAY
Laying With My Father by Ryan Pfluger
Luke Gilford
So I'm in nature now, the crickets are chirping outside my window and I am left in the quiet with my thoughts and still, somehow, a poo-load of work to do. I arrived at my new old home today after seeing both the Pacific and Atlantic oceans in one day and then packing and driving all my earthly possessions up here in an overstuffed GMC with a huge iced coffee from McDonald's.
San Francisco was everything I could have hoped for. Such a great place and such a great experience. I managed to escape Pride Day for the most part and go to the beach and Marin Headlands with Parker and Ryan. Ryan Pfluger is a fantastic photographer that I've been following for a long time but for some reason have never linked to him from my own blog before. It was really cool to watch him work and then to be photographed by him on the edge of the ocean and high up on cliffs. I can't wait to see his photos as well as Parker's and mine. Hopefully I'll have my film back by next week. You can see a sneak peek of Ryan's photos HERE and make sure to check out his other work HERE.
I also got to meet another great photographer, LUKE GILFORD, while I was in San Francisco. Luke is a New York based photographer who graduated from UCLA. All around it was a bunch of cute faggots taking pictures in the gayest city on earth. It seemed pretty right.
Labels: ART, PHOTOGRAPHY, REALLY FUCKING GAY
I made these worlds but they're too pretty. The only problem is that it takes like 5 hours to render a 10 second animation on my computer, so by the time they've finished rendering I can't spend another 5 hours fixing them. Excuses excuses. I think I need some violence in my worlds. Something darker. TBD.
I think that was the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done! After six weeks (SIX WEEKS) of costume building, prep, and rehearsal, it all came down to performing in front of a big live audience.
I had a wireless mic that turned out not to work at the last second so I had to use a wired mic without ever having practiced with it before. In any case, having popped my drag cherry, I have a whole new respect for queens and what it takes to get an audience's attention. But I am so happy that I went all out and that my crew was so helpful. Thanks to Jeremy, Ryan, Vanessa, and of course Proddy and Mary for letting me jump onto a giant wiener in front of an audience.
Labels: BAD DOG, I MADE THIS. ME. GRAYDON., MAYBE THE FUTURE WILL BE BETTER, NARCISSISM, REALLY FUCKING GAY
Seriously. Tonight. March 28, 2009. The Beaver. 1192 Queen Street West. Show at midnight, be there before to avoid lines. $5. Free if you're in drag/getup.
Girlfriends you all need to come to Hotnuts this Saturday night at The Beaver in Toronto:
Performance by Olive Oyl (HINT HINT)
Certified Dipping Sauce Contest
Hosted by Mary Messhausen
DJs Bitz and produzentin
Bitz is finally back from Frankfurt and working the turntables. After 4 weeks of pilates, Mary is slim as a birch. And from what we heard, Olive Oyl has something rather special to dip.
Get ready for the certified dipping sauce contest.
We need cute girls & boys with super sensitive taste buds on stage.
Of course, the wonderful El Bear Ho will greet you at the door.
$5 cover, free in drag
See you Saturday, Sweetpeas!
Labels: BAD DOG, REALLY FUCKING GAY
Next up: "iTunes Essentials: Black People Music."
When are people going to stop doing shit like this?
Lord almighty.
Labels: BAD DOG, DEATH AND DRAMA, DESPERATE AND SAD, MUSIC, REALLY FUCKING GAY
Tonight's your last chance in Toronto to see DANIEL BARROW perform "Every Time I See Your Picture I Cry":
Daniel Barrow's newest "manual animation" combines overhead projection, with video, music, and live narration to tell the story of a garbage man with a vision to chronicle the lives of all the citizens in the city. Traversing the streets, drawing pictures of people as they sleep and gleaning what he can of people's lives through their trash, what he doesn't know is that a deranged lunatic is trailing him, killing off each citizen he records in his book, thus rendering his cataloguing efforts obsolete.
Maybe I misinterpreted it but I didn't think the central character was a garbage-man, but Barrow himself...or maybe I'm not so smart.
Either way, you shold BUY TICKETS NOW!
Labels: BOOKS MOVIES AND OTHER CULTURALISTICALITIES, DESPERATE AND SAD, REALLY FUCKING GAY, THINGS I WISH I'D DONE
I'm sure it's in a million movies, but Mahogany struck me as an inspiration for Almodovar...
And am I crazy or is the original cut of the cab-ride through Barcelona longer?
Labels: REALLY FUCKING GAY
I know La Pequeña is totally overplayed by now, but I love it when shit like this happens - YouTube videos of television shows of YouTube videos. It's meta-Pequeña.
Maybe we should TEAM UP.
Labels: I MADE THIS. ME. GRAYDON., NARCISSISM, REALLY FUCKING GAY, THINGS I WISH I'D DONE
I have $13.50 left on an iTunes gift certificate. Should I buy Enya or Ennio Morricone?
Vote in comments if you care.
Labels: DESPERATE AND SAD, REALLY FUCKING GAY
Posting will be light to nil here while I'm being unbelievably gay over at !! OMG BLOG !! until mid-February.
Good news is I'll be doing 5 posts a day for OMG, so you'll get more of me than you ever wanted, though in a more saccharine form.
Labels: REALLY FUCKING GAY
Happened to come across KAISERIN MAGAZINE, "A magazine for boys with problems." I haven't actually seen it in person but it sounds about right. I want it.
Labels: BUY ME THIS, REALLY FUCKING GAY, SEX
Skip to the end if you want to see a funny picture.
Otherwise, read on if you dare. I warn you, it's gonna get a bit "free-flowy."
You know how sometimes a theme pops up in your life? A bunch of coincidental things happen in a row and it feels too unlikely that it's just a coincidence? I love that. Even though it probably just is a coincidence or you're thinking about something so you're more atune to other happenings of the same nature.
Anyway, my most recent theme is the relation between consciousness and physicality - mind and body (sort of).
If you've ever been high, whatever your drug choice is, you know that physical reactions cause mental changes. Drinking makes you drunk, smoking pot makes you paranoid or giggly or lightheaded, taking ecstasy makes you euphoric, heroin makes every pain melt away. Even smoking a cigarette causes a mental change.
I'm reading "Theatre of the Mind" by Jay Ingram right now. He used to host "Daily Planet" on the Discovery Channel and "Quirks and Quarks" on CBC. I saw the book at my friend Claire and Jaron's apartment a while ago and decided to buy it recently. It seemed a more plausible read than my perpetually half-finished "Godel Escher Bach" endeavour (that was an inside joke for GEB-readers) that started 4 years ago.
I'm not that far into "Theatre of the Mind," but it's about trying to understand what consciousness is, if it is tied to a specific physical part of our bodies, and why we are conscious of ourselves. (The book talks about animals being alive and thinking about getting food or escaping harm, but that animals don't stop and ponder themselves. Their feelings are direct responses to the present.) Ingram often talks about how our conscious thoughts seem to appear behind our eyes. When you recall a memory or think of what an apple looks like, the image seems to present itself one or two inches back from the centre of your eyes (AKA, the "Theatre of the Mind," the stage on which your consciousness plays out). Why don't these visions materialize at the back of the head, or a couple inches outside of the skull? Is it possible to have out of body experiences by moving your conscious
Apparently, ancient cultures believed the heart to be the centre of consciousness because it is where the physical response to conscious thought most obviously appears. I have always struggled to understand why thoughts I have can cause physical pains or aches in my body. I also am trying to understand why drugs and alcohol can make those pains disappear.
This brings up when I first thought about separating my consciousness from my physical self. After a mind-bending (read inebriated) summer, I had a thought about the idea of Heaven. I have always thought that Heaven would be pretty damn boring. I mean, if you have to do boring things and follow The Bible or whatever doctrine you choose to follow in order to get into Heaven or Nirvana then chances are you have to keep doing those things once you're in. SNORE. I always find the best things in life are the opposite of religious ideals. Namely sex, drugs, and all those other deadly sins. My idea of Heaven is a bareback massage orgy in chocolate sauce followed by cancer-free cigarettes and champagne with HENRY CAVILL (shut up he's hot) on the couch watching endless all new episodes of The Sarah Silverman Program and throwing my best actor/director/screenwriter Oscars at the screen when we don't like a joke one of the ugly gays makes (I have a LOT of Oscars in Heaven). At least that's one version.
So, if being free of all those wonderful sinful things on Earth is what gets you into Heaven, then you must have to do those things in Heaven. And if that's all you do in Heaven, then shouldn't the people who do those things on Earth be in Heaven already? Heaven on Earth? Shouldn't they be so blissed out by being good Christians that they have no pain in their lives? If not, what's going to make them be blissed out in Heaven? What's going to be different? That's when it came to me. Heaven, if it does exist, is a place where no matter what you're doing you're enjoying it. That's exactly what drugs are. Why else would it be so much fun to be pure?
So then, if Heaven is the same thing as drugs, then why not just do drugs all the time? Why not just alienate yourself from everyone and chase the dragon off the cliff? Get higher and higher till you die. You'd be in Heaven on Earth, and since I don't actually believe in any afterlife, why not experience it now? It's a complete separation of your mind from your body - or at least an alteration of your body by your mind.
This is the idea of Tantra and Tantric sex as well - using your mind to create bliss in your body.
Same with trying to attain Nirvana - you're attempting to free your mind from the constraints of the body. My friend Ariel just went to a retreat and meditated in silence for 10 hours a day for 10 days straight. She wrote to me:
"Back from meditating. I'm enlightened, wheee!
But really, I am changed. Life changed. Clear. Inspired. I have learned how
to release and free myself from misery."
Thank God it worked cause I didn't do the website changes she asked me to do while she was gone.
My friend David was looking at himself in a reflection on the streetcar. He said he feels better knowing he can see himself. He said it would be great to be able to get past the idea of the reflection as only a narcissistic object. I told him that I remembered looking into the mirror as a kid, really looking. I was only 6, and it was the first time I thought "Why am I in this body?" It's funny how shit you figure out or think about as a kid comes back up in university, and you think "Oh, I really was touching on some deep crap when I was 6." Anyway, I remember it really freaking me out that my conscious mind seemed to be this alien peeking through my eyes and analyzing the physical form of me that I could see in the mirror. In that last sentance "I" becomes a manifestation of two beings - the physical "I" and the conscious "I". This is something I recognized when I was 6.
So then I just watched PAPRIKA, an Anime film about a machine that allows you to share your dreams - the actual experience of your dreams - with other people. People are able to visit other conscious minds. The dreams meld into each other and soon the physical world and dream world meld and switch. People act out their dreams in real life and die, people get killed in the real world from dream-wounds, and dream-objects enter the real world. It touches where Nightmare on Elm Street and The Cell could not.
Then while listening to Anna Karenina (I bought the audiobook to listen to during the drudgery of housework - thanks to CORRIBLE for the reco) yesterday a few characters discussed whether or not "a line should be drawn between the physiological and psychological experience in man. And if so, where?" They go on to talk about how if they can't even understand the psychological experience (consciousness) then how could they denounce religion/spirituality? That freaked me out. Anna fucking Karenina was preaching to me about consciousness and Heaven.
Finally, tonight, I went to see a movie. I'm completely ashamed of myself for wanting to see it, and for actually going to see it in a theatre. If it makes you feel better I didn't have to pay for it. I went to see..........ENCHANTED! Heaven help me for admitting that on my blog, but if you've come this far I expect that you might be open to hearing what I have to say about it.
I went to see it with a friend, who shall remain nameless in order to protect his or her identity, because I needed something light and stupid and funny and kind of wanted to see Enchanted. So did my friend. Plus Amy Adams is such a fuckin great actress. We laughed at ourselves as we skooched past little girls and their fathers to find our seats. In the movie, a Disney princess is cast into our world by a wicked witch so that she can't marry the wicked witch's stepson, the prince, and become queen. I knew the premise before I went, but I didn't realize until we were in the theatre why I was drawn to see it (other than the fact that I've seen The Little Mermaid about 50 times). It hit me that it was all about physical and dream states. Also, a fairytale Disney romance is many-a-person's idea of heaven. This movie was a very simplistic take on reality versus dream, physical versus dream/spirit/consciousness.
So this theme of separating reality, mind from body, physical from conscious keeps presenting itself. It keeps challenging me to take it on. But what will be my weapon? Booze? Drugs? Meditation? Tantra? Books? Films? Love?
Fucked if I know. Look at the kitties!
Labels: BOOKS MOVIES AND OTHER CULTURALISTICALITIES, DEATH AND DRAMA, DESPERATE AND SAD, MAYBE THE FUTURE WILL BE BETTER, NARCISSISM, NOBODY LIKES A NERD, REALLY FUCKING GAY, SEX
...is my last day guest-blogging for !! OMGBLOG !!
Writing for a blog that actually has an audience is hard work! Right mom and gramma? Actually, I think my mom got bored of reading my blog. Not enough naked guys.
Shut the door, Heather!
IMG SRC
Labels: REALLY FUCKING GAY
I've had a VIVIENNE WESTWOOD day. I happened to come across her and her work about 4 or 5 times by chance. I'm so fucking inspired that I'm going to grow my hair, dye it orange, and wear it in a messy circle braid or glorious curls to family functions, and I'm gonna be god damned proud of it. I can't wait!
Labels: BOOKS MOVIES AND OTHER CULTURALISTICALITIES, BUY ME THIS, MAYBE THE FUTURE WILL BE BETTER, NARCISSISM, REALLY FUCKING GAY, THINGS I WISH I'D DONE
Yesterday I went to see the experimental shorts at the RENDEZVOUS WITH MADNESS film festival at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto.
One that stood out for me was DANIEL BARROW'S film Artist Statement. He used an old computer painting/animation program to great visual effect while candidly narrating about how he was feeling about his art and why he creates.
I wrote to him when I got home, partly to gush and partly to ask if I could use his images.
Here's an excerpt:
I was really moved by ARTIST STATEMENT. I was also envious that you so eloquently expressed so many of the feelings I'm having about where I'm at in my career right now. Shame, honesty, and fear are themes that I really want to bring out in my work and I really loved how succinctly you addressed those points in the voiceover while illustrating them so damn brilliantly on the screen. That paint program is amazing and how you used it was inspiring.
The pressure to create is also such a counter-intuitive part of the package so it was nice to see that an artist I respected was willing to divulge his self-perceived (because I would not have known that you were struggling) shortcomings.
So if you can, see the film. At least check out HIS SITE (especially the Snow Globe section and the Trading Cards which you can buy for me if you want to....)
Oh and there was a great score for the short by THE BALLET.
Labels: BOOKS MOVIES AND OTHER CULTURALISTICALITIES, BUY ME THIS, NARCISSISM, REALLY FUCKING GAY, THINGS I WISH I'D DONE
My good friends came over and helped me celebrate my birthday by drinking KALIMOTXOS and posing in THESE PHOTOS. Aren't we fucking pretentious?
Watch the video to see how you make Kalimotxos and what they do to you.
I think that's what Britney puts in her babies' bottles. I WANT MY BABA!
Labels: I MADE THIS. ME. GRAYDON., NARCISSISM, REALLY FUCKING GAY
I had seen quite a few of OLIVER HUSAIN'S videos before, and had met Oliver a couple times, but didn't put the person and the art together until a couple days ago when I came across his website.
Here's one starring the very funny Alex called "I HATE PAPA":
And a clip from "RON & LEO" (I have yet to see the full version of this, but would really like to):
Check out the rest of his sometimes hilarious, sometimes absurd, and always amazingly visual work HERE.
Here's one starring the very funny Alex called "I HATE PAPA":
And a clip from "RON & LEO" (I have yet to see the full version of this, but would really like to):
Check out the rest of his sometimes hilarious, sometimes absurd, and always amazingly visual work HERE.
Labels: BOOKS MOVIES AND OTHER CULTURALISTICALITIES, REALLY FUCKING GAY, THINGS I WISH I'D DONE
It's been a busy week! Here are some photos from my Saturday night. I dressed up as "Friend Record" from SIZE SMALL ISLAND. Size Small was an obscure Canadian kids show. Every once in a while they would cut to a terrifying giant record with black tights banging wooden spoons in time with the music in the woods. I don't know if I got the costume exactly right cause there are no images on the web of the actual character (except for one of a drunk guy with a floppy costume on YouTube), so I had to build the costume from memory.
Not many people got the reference, but for those that did I think it opened up a flood of bad memories.
The above photo is me at Hotnuts with Mary Messhausen and PRODUZENTIN.
Here are some more photos that Jessica and LAURA took from the cab they were in while I walked cause my costume wouldn't fit:
Labels: I MADE THIS. ME. GRAYDON., REALLY FUCKING GAY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO...?
Whatever it's my blog so I'm posting cell-phone pictures of me cause I like how I looked tonight. Inspired by a post below. A boy needs to love himself every once in a while.
Headress - Borrowed from Coco
Hoodie - Billionaire Boys Club
Scoop Shirt - Behave
Jeans - Gift from Will (Levi's)
Tee - URBN
Sunglasses - Borrowed from Coco (?)
Necklace - Gift/Borrow from Coco (H&M)
Shoes - Brick Lane via Claire
Socks - Some sock store in Seven Dials
(Oh come on I know Sheikhs aren't terrorists...God, calm down)
Labels: BAD DOG, DESPERATE AND SAD, I MADE THIS. ME. GRAYDON., REALLY FUCKING GAY
Wasn't even part of the show. This made me think of you Claire.
Labels: BUY ME THIS, REALLY FUCKING GAY, SEX, THINGS I WISH I'D DONE
Just the other day I was wondering how a sewing machine worked and today I happened to find the answer in this amazing little GIF of infinity.
Via TOM MOODY.
Labels: BUY ME THIS, REALLY FUCKING GAY
Here's a photo I made of FRANK and JEREMY'S cat Anderson who I'm cat-sitting this month.
It's for sure now...I'm gonna be an old cat lady.
Labels: DESPERATE AND SAD, I MADE THIS. ME. GRAYDON., NOBODY LIKES A NERD, REALLY FUCKING GAY
Back from London. So much to Blog about! Ewwwww...
But you'll have to wait til I get my film processed.
So for now, just watch Barbara wake up after her beastial gang-bang at the fair. That dog wants out of his contract.
Labels: REALLY FUCKING GAY
Just saw PATRICK WOLF perform tonight. Shivers. Childcatcher and Bluebells were the highlights in my opinion. Heartbreaking.
Then I biked home drunk. Sue me.
Labels: BOOKS MOVIES AND OTHER CULTURALISTICALITIES, REALLY FUCKING GAY
I can't wait til this fall. I know I'm a few weeks behind (read light years) fashion week, but I finally went through some of the stuff on STYLE.COM. Very few things excite me these days but these gave me tickles in my belly.
JEREMY LAING
VIVIENNE WESTWOOD
HEATHERETTE
I've been having alternating desires to dress up in big bag-like things and sexy future clothes....ooooooooo!
JEREMY LAING
VIVIENNE WESTWOOD
HEATHERETTE
I've been having alternating desires to dress up in big bag-like things and sexy future clothes....ooooooooo!
Labels: BOOKS MOVIES AND OTHER CULTURALISTICALITIES, BUY ME THIS, MAYBE THE FUTURE WILL BE BETTER, REALLY FUCKING GAY, THINGS I WISH I'D DONE